Just Be You
by D-chan
Summary: Kougaiji x Yaone :: fluff, weirdness, likely OOCness :: Unable to sleep at night, Yaone finds herself wandering into Rasetsunyo's chambers. There she makes some new discoveries of herself and her lord.


**:: Just Be You ::**

_Gensomaden__ Saiyuki_

Disclaimer: I don't own Gensomaden Saiyuki, which rightfully belongs to Minekura Kazuya.

Rating: G

Pairing: Kougaiji/Yaone

Warnings: fluff, sap, het

Notes: The fact that I have to put het as a warning in my fics scares me. ^^;

I'll make it clear right now... I don't write het. I just don't. I haven't in the longest time, except as side pairings. So focusing a fic on a het pairing is _really_ odd to me. I had no difficulties starting this, but near the end I had the worst time trying to just... end it. I've been working on this for over a month. That's how hard it was to write.

But it's done, and I like the concept-- and I really do adore this pairing. I think it's too cute. And yeah, Saiyuki's a yaoi fandom, but the hinted-at het pairings should get more recognition, too. That's why I wrote this.

Constructive criticism and feedback is always appreciated, especially now that it concerns characters I'm not entirely comfortable writing. ^^;

Her nightly tasks were just about as simple as her daily ones. During the day she was to watch the lady and keep her out of trouble; keep her safe. At night she was to make sure the lady fell asleep soundly. Considering it was Lirin she had to deal with, Yaone could honestly say that neither task was really as simple as it sounded.

Of course, she had nothing against the child. Lirin was young, full of vibrant energy and spunk that could rival even a boy's-- as she had proved often enough. Yaone cared for the girl dearly; she looked after her like a younger sister... and quite honestly, she sometimes felt that particular relationship wasn't too far off.

Or perhaps that was wishful thinking.

Yaone was tired after her eventual success of putting Lirin to bed, but she was also restless. The rational part of her was saying, _Go to bed. It's late. You need to be well-rested tomorrow._ Much to her dismay, her body didn't want to agree with rational thought. So she found herself wandering the vast hallways of the castle. She had no destination in mind... at least, not consciously. She knew she would eventually reach her room; the only question was when.

So it surprised her when she ended up standing just outside Rasetsunyo's chambers. Yaone felt a cold chill of foreboding. The door was wide open. No light could be seen from inside, candle or otherwise. The torches in the hallway gave a little light, just enough so that she could make out the looming female statue hanging from the wall. Rope and spells were stranded every which way in the room, the binding spells that kept the lady Rasetsunyo encased in stone.

Her hesitation was brief. Yaone cautiously stepped into the room, her eyes focused on the stone lady on the opposite side of the room. Every detail imaginable seemed to be engraved, from the slight curve of the cheek to the finest eyelash to the ripples of the long, flowing dress. Even in stone, Rasetsunyo was beautiful.

Yaone stared up into unseeing eyes. This woman was the one Kougaiji would do anything for. His mother. He would go through any lengths, do whatever it took, just to see his mother revived and well. He even grudgingly followed Lady Gyokumen's orders despite his deep loathing for the spiteful woman.

To earn that sort of dedication from Lord Kougaiji was simply... amazing. Rasetsunyo had to be an incredible woman for him to care so much about her.

Yaone timidly kept just outside the circle of darkness that seemed to envelope the stone woman. Her eyes were raised, but her head slightly bowed. Silently she admired the imprisoned woman.

Whatever kind of lady Rasetsunyo had been, Yaone was almost certain she would be Gyokumen's opposite. She would be kinder, patient, perhaps even gentle. Still, no amount of guessing would ever let her know the truth. Yaone asked herself that question every time she saw the beautiful statue. Even if it was just a glimpse, the question would tug at the back of her mind, nagging her conscience.

Was she jealous? That was a possibility. Yaone had no illusions; Kougaiji had proved time and again that he cared deeply for his closest companions. Lirin, Dokugakuji, and herself, all three were important to him. Even so, as important as they were, they couldn't be nearly as important as his precious mother.

_Do I want to be closest to his heart?_

Yaone could understand that her lord could only keep one thing closest to him. It was very difficult to regard more than one person of the same importance; in fact, it was near impossible. But it was very hard for her to completely accept that fact, and there was still a part of her that was jealous. She felt horrible about it, but what could she do?

Yaone took a step back, slowly growing wary of lingering too long in this room. Normally she didn't dare enter if Lord Kougaiji wasn't there as well. She cast another glance up at the woman, her lips moving to murmur the question aloud.

"I wonder what kind of woman you were?"

She was aware her voice sounded too loud in the silence despite her soft tone. Wincing, Yaone turned to leave.

"Why do you want to know?"

Yaone gasped, starting horribly as the dark voice spoke. The tone was normal, in no way hushed or subdued. She felt herself alternating between shock and nervousness when her mind finally connected the image with the voice. Lord Kougaiji stood in the doorway of the room, looking quite awake if not a little tired. His expression was blank, void of the annoyance or anger she had expected.

"My lord?" she whispered at last.

Kougaiji strode into the room and stopped a couple feet in front of her, his gaze trailing to the same stone statue Yaone had just been admiring. "It's a simple question, isn't it?" he asked. "Why do you want to know about my mother?"

She followed his gaze despite having just spent a good few minutes staring at the statue. Kougaiji gazed at his mother every day for so long, as though he was afraid of forgetting her image. It was one of the things that touched Yaone and made her admire him all the more.

"I... I suppose I just want to know what sort of woman could be so great she could earn such loyalty from you, my lord."

Kougaiji narrowed his eyes but didn't look at her. "You _suppose_?"

She shook her head. "No. I do. I know. I want to know."

Silence met her admittance. Her lord didn't move from where he stood, simply continued to gaze at his mother as he always did. However, this time was difference. Usually there was a burning desire -- no, a _need_ -- to prove himself, to show that he would do whatever it took to release his mother from her prison. But this time his eyebrows were drawn not in a frown but in thought.

At last, he said, "Beautiful."

Yaone blinked.

"She was beautiful. The finest goddess couldn't compare to her-- Venus herself could never hope to even try." His eyes grew distant. Yaone knew he was no longer looking at the statue, but beyond it, back into a past he still remembered so fondly. "She was so graceful and fluid in her every movement, slow to anger, always so sad because my _father_--" He spat the word like a curse, "was always off courting some other woman."

He paused, his hands clenched tightly. His arms trembled, but Yaone slowly watched him calm. The tremors became less. His voice was gradually melting from anger to loving. "Even so, she had all the time in the world for me. She didn't give me all I asked for, but even so she was too gracious. She practically raised me alone, so much that any time spent with my father was just... meaningless."

After the short pause stretched into long minutes, Yaone dared to speak. "She sounds wonderful."

Kougaiji blinked, finally looking at her. He looked mildly surprised, as though he had forgotten she was there. Then he looked embarrassed, quickly glancing away. Yaone's heart ached with a combination of adoration and sympathy for her lord.

"She was," he finally said. "And that's why I'll do anything to free her."

Yaone wasn't sure what to say to that. The silence wasn't as tense as it had been before, but neither was it calm. Even Kougaiji looked uncomfortable. He closed his eyes, his head still tilted back as though he were watching his mother through closed lids.

"You remind me of her."

_That_ was unexpected. Yaone started, one hand nervously flying to her heart. She licked her suddenly dry lips. "Lord Kougaiji?"

With his eyes still closed, he said, "You two seemed to share... something. Your fighting spirit... it's similar to hers. She was sad often, but stayed faithful to my father anyway. I used to think she was foolish, but now I think I understand her reasons why."

Yaone smiled faintly. "So do I."

It was a bold statement and she realized too late that Kougaiji would rebuke her for it. What right did she have to compare herself to his mother?

Instead, he said, "I guess so." He opened his eyes, still avoiding her gaze. "You always seem sad."

Her heart thudded painfully in her chest, almost making her wince. Instead, she stammered, "M-my lord?"

He slowly turned to face her directly. His eyes were narrow, piercing and skeptical. "Are you unhappy, Yaone?"

She shook her head. "How could I be? I'm more than honored that you saved me, and I'm more than eager to repay the debt and give you my full services, just as I promised. Isn't that why you took me in?"

"Yes," Kougaiji agreed, still glaring. "But you didn't answer the question."

It was hard to meet his gaze when he was so serious. Yaone wanted to look away, but she knew Kougaiji wouldn't appreciate that at all. She kept her eyes on him, trying not to waver as she answered. "No. I'm very happy, my lord."

Kougaiji stared at her a moment longer before nodding. "All right," he said softly.

Feeling brave, Yaone dared a question. "Do I remind you of your mother that much?"

"What do you mean?"

She peered down at her intertwined fingers. "Did you also save me because... I remind you of your mother?"

For a split second it seemed like the shaft of light moved, but then she realized that it was actually Kougaiji. She saw his feet before his face, quickly looking up to make and maintain eye contact. They were close enough so that she could feel his breath on her face, and Yaone had to fight the urge to hold her breath simply so she wouldn't breathe on him as well.

Kougaiji frowned. "Don't you ever," he started quietly, "get the idea that I'm using you as a replacement."

"My lord--"

"Because," he cut in, his voice suddenly loud. "I'm not. _You're_ not. You aren't my mother, and I won't even try to pretend that you ever could be."

Letting out her breath slowly, Yaone searched for the right words to say. "I understand that I can't live up to her image." That was true enough. Even without knowing what Rasetsunyo was like, Yaone had clearly seen that Kougaiji had placed her on a pedestal so high even the gods had trouble reaching it.

"Because you're you," Kougaiji said, as though she hadn't spoken. "And my mother was just that: my mother. Don't even try to be like her."

Yaone smiled faintly. "I won't, Lord Kougaiji."

The silence afterwards was comfortable and soothing, like the quiet after a raging storm. No rage had taken place, but the tension that had been thrumming through the air earlier was fading. Yaone was content to just stand and observe her lord, wondering at the discoveries she had made this night.

Kougaiji blinked, his expression changing to one of surprise. He fairly stumbled back, his head twisting to look up at his mother. Even in the dark with his tanned complexion, Yaone was startled to recognize the red on his face as a blush.

"In any case," he said roughly, avoiding her eyes. "It's late and we may be busy tomorrow. Get some rest."

"Yes, Lord Kougaiji." He didn't move from his spot, which meant she was expected to leave first. Yaone moved a few steps, hesitated, and glanced over her shoulder. "Good night."

Violet eyes flickered her way. "Good night."

The return of the small phrase was unexpected, but not unwelcome. Yaone finally slipped from the room and down the hallway, unable to keep a rather silly smile from her face. She knew she could sleep now, especially when she was comforted by the knowledge that she wasn't expected to be anyone else but herself to Kougaiji. The simple admission carried many unspoken volumes of care. Not the closest to his heart, but still very close, right along with Lirin and Dokugakuji.

That was more than she would ever ask for.


End file.
